Joy

Joy to the world! The Lord is come.

Let earth receive her King
Let every heart
Prepare Him room
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and heaven and nature sing

Joy to the world, the Savior reigns
Let men their songs employ
While fields and floods
Rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy
Repeat the sounding joy
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love;
And wonders of His love;
And wonders, wonders of His love.

Joy to the world! The Lord is come.
Let earth receive her King
Let every heart
Prepare Him room
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and nature sing
And heaven and heaven and nature sing
And heaven and heaven and nature sing

I can listen to Christmas music in waves. I haven't for a couple days, besides listening to Lulah sing "Frosty da snow mam" and SG's occasional belting of "Away In a Manger." This morning I found myself humming Joy to the World quite often, and when I finally turned the Christmas music back on...guess what was playing!?! God's so good like that!

Why Joy to the World? Before going into another December 22nd, (the day Ellie's soul left this earth to spend eternity with Jesus) I remembered last year, I blogged to myself about how last December 22nd went. So I went back and read, trying to prepare myself for the 3rd anniversary of Ellie's death.  As I read about the emotions attached to that day, I was happy that I titled it Choose Joy.  A word used to describe our savior's entrance into the world, I was using to describe my emotional state.  

Once again the days leading up to 22nd, weren't the easiest, I became very aware that she's been gone, longer than she was here on earth. Feeling weird that life has moved on, maybe even a little guilty.  A couple days I couldn't take it and had to find a place to cry in peace...which is kinda hard to do in a school with 600 kids!  However, as the Christmas break got closer and ironically the anniversary of Ellie's death, more and more peace came over me. So on the 22nd, when I wasn't sure what to expect when I woke up, I felt joy. 

We were all together, we were all lazy, we were all smiling. We visited the cemetery, put up Ellie's tree and watched my crazies run up and down, falling all over each other. I sat there in "Ellie's spot" as SG calls it and smiled. 

I don't know what we will do if this space ever fills up! We all enjoy it so much! 

With no real plan...yes, you read right, I had no plan for the day and I was totally okay with that...we headed to find some lunch.  We ate lunch and were blessed to have our meal paid for by someone else, who probably had no clue what this day meant to us, but it was just another little gift from God on this joyous day. We took off to the pet store and I fell in love with this cute little dwarf hamster, with adorably chubby cheeks, and I may have mentioned I wanted him (well the kids really liked it and I wouldn't have objected if Richard said yes...but in the back of my head I was flashing back to high school when we owned one and the cleaning of that cage!) Lulah attempted to go fishing in one of the tanks and SG made friends with all the cats.  Then a random stroll through target for nothing in particular...and Starbucks.  As I walked out of Target, yummy coffee in hand, the sun was setting and the sky was pink...and I couldn't breathe for a second.  While I was aware all day of what "this day" was, it didn't really feel sad.  That pink sky was my gut check....yep, it still hurts, the sun is setting and the happy feelings of the day were disappearing with the sun.   I wanted to go home, but I didn't want to...since our kids hadn't napped all day, and were finally asleep in the van, we headed home...watching the pink sky fade away.  Finally crying on this day filled with so many happy and horrible memories, I looked up to see a Princess Strong sticker on the back of the car in front of us. I had no idea who it was at the time, but I was praising God for putting that car there in that moment and lifting me up.  No she's not here, but she lives on in so many people's hearts!

Finally home, Richard took at the kids in the basement....with a box of paint.  I asked no questions and just enjoyed the next hour or so of peace and quiet, watching a kiddy movie. I made dinner...

Yes...I did win coolest mom ever award....since it was 8:30, I figured ice cream for dinner was a very smart option...although SG reminded me she does not like ice cream...Lulah ate hers.

To bed they all went, and the house was quiet again.  I told Richard, today felt weird, but good. I enjoyed my day, and I hope that we will always be able to be off from work together, to do whatever this day holds. I keep thinking there has to be a "thing" we always do on this day....but there I go again making a plan. I thought I wanted us all inside the house, with no interruptions, but turns out we all needed to be out, being silly, doing things without a real plan and eating ice cream for dinner. I think my Ellie girl would approve. 

Again I feel joy for my daughter's life. I feel immeasurable joy for the birth of Jesus.  I am joyful that God loved me so much, he sacrificed his son for my sin. Without Jesus, without Christmas, there wouldn't be that joy I get from the promise of eternal life. 

So again this year, I choose joy.  I choose to see the pink sky and savor every minute of it, even if I know its fading fast. I choose to let the hurt in because it always reminds me of where I've been and where I'm heading. 

I pray this Christmas, you will find Joy.  *Some more drops of honey from God....as I went to take this picture of our Christmas card to share with you all...I couldn't help but shake my head and giggle...JOY...told you its been on my mind and in my heart!*

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 

for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:8-9

Prayers, Praise and Pink

~Carly