Now, I feel like I'm being tested. I feel like God is saying "you just went through this crazy year, you learned a lot, now can you use it?" ....I'm sure my school friends would call that practical application or some Blooms taxonomy level. The bad part about this test is my brain is so jumbled up I just can't think. I'm having a hard time retrieving that prior knowledge and applying it to my new situation. (I've been planning my test taking/anixety lessons, can you tell?)
In the past year, I've written a lot. I've preached a lot. I've encouraged a lot. Now I'm at the point where I have to take all that stuff I wrote about trusting God, believing in His plan, knowing He will provide and really live it. Kinda funny how easy it was to live that way when that was the only option. We couldn't control our situation, all we could do was to leave it up to God. We couldn't make the cancer go away, we couldn't make the medicines, we couldn't fix it. Realizing all that made it so much easier to trust God. We aren't in that situation any more. We are back in the world where we can control things and it's funny how much harder it is. Living for today seems to be a thing of the past. Here we are once again trying to plan for the rest of our lives. If I could figure out how to realize that I am really not control of anything, maybe it would be easier to trust in His plan again, instead of doing my best of convincing Him what I think His plan should be.
The only study guide for this test is my Bible. And luckily everything I read tonight told me just how much my God loves me. Not based on my actions or thoughts. He knows my everything, and still loves me.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:8-14 NIV)
I am asking for prayer for my family tonight, I haven't asked in a while, and I know that many still pray for us. But specially asking that we would truly surrender all control. We would trust that He has a plan. We would remember all those past lessons and apply them to our new life. Thank you.
There is one test I passed recently, that I've gotten pretty good at passing...
We found out in February that we are expecting baby #4. And as exciting as new life is, it came with some heart ache, and truely took me some time. I don't know how to explain the feeling you get when something exciting happens in your family, but there's someone missing to enjoy it with. It kinda is a mixture of guilt (even though you know there is nothing to feel guilty about) and sadness, but swirled happiness. Once we told Noah and he became beyond excited I felt much better. He has been talking about a little brother since last year. I joking told him he better start praying...I guess it worked. We don't know if it's a brother yet, Noah has assured us he will be happy even if it's a sister, but for him, I really hope it's a boy!
Prayers, Praise and Pink