At the age of 33, I have to giggle, this wasn't the life I had envisioned in my plan for myself some 10 years ago. I only wanted two children, and I told Richard I wasn't having them until he was out of retail because it's too hard to raise children and work retail. I was also going to have them far enough apart that one would be in school before the next one so I wouldn't have to pay daycare for two. Again, this was all my plan. I also didn't have a relationship with The Lord then, so I really felt like I had control over this all. So as we approach baby #4, I'm pretty thankful it is God's plan and not my own. If we'd stopped at two, SG wouldn't be here, and as more and more of her personality shines through (although beyond onry at times) I couldn't imagine our world without her. If I had waited till Richard was out of retail, we still wouldn't have kids, we wouldn't have the amazing insurance we have and we wouldn't have had the support of such an a great company through out the past year.
And as much as this all makes me happy, I'm still very anxious for tomorrow. We are once again facing a life event without us all here. Usually the day before one of these I get all crazy and snappy...at least I'm starting to recognize it now and I can try to better prepare myself for it. When SG was born, I was preparred to do this alone, with Richard and Ellie in Memphis, but then God made this beautiful plan and allowed Preacher to be visiting them and the doctors to let them come come for a few days. I was blessed with the midnight surprise of my life. That's not going to happen this time, unless Jesus himself shows up. Nobody can drive up to heaven and pick her up, even if only for an hour. I love seeing my new baby's face for the first time, I love hearing that little scream. But what I have loved just as much, these past two babies, is watching my other children meet their new sibling for the first time. The grin they get from ear to ear just makes my heart soar. I don't get to see that from all of them this time. You just don't realize how blessed your are in that moment. I'm sure I quickly took it for granted and got stressed out about something. Now as this baby arrives, I d give anything for the stress of having 3 children come to the hospital to meet their sister. Or the problem of trying to fit 4 children in our 3 bedroom house. Problems I never dreampt I would have.
So I won't even try to pretend I know what the next few weeks has in store for us. Going into this with an open mind, but highly aware how emotional this child's entry to the world will be. I pray that God will help us raise her with a love of The Lord and the knowledge of her older sister that she never met, but whom she will partially be named after....no we haven't shared her name yet. Totally unlike us (well unlike me) to be this last minute in everything, but this time is so different.
So as many times before, I'm asking our friends to cover us in prayer. That today we can be filled with peace, as anixety starts to grow. Prayers for our family who will indeed be hurting tomorrow. Prayers that we can see the miracle God has given us, and possibly feel some princess strength from our girl. Thank you in advance for your love and prayers.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Prayers, Praise, and Pink