HOPE

Saturday, October 17, 2020

I'm not sure what's in the air this week, but man are my emotions on overdrive! I shouldn't say I don't know what's in the air. I know we are heading into the season of lots of tough but super sweet memories. 7 years later and it still catches me off guard. Maybe because in a weird way, I don't feel like I remember her all the way, so why do you fall apart when you can't remember someone. I'm not sure that's the best explanation, but this momma of 5, and two puppies (yes...we now have puppies...yes...we are crazy) and full time school counselor, is tired! Yesterday I fell apart like I haven't in quite some time, and I know it was a good thing, my heart and body just needed to cry and it had to be a good cry. It started with this picture.

This sign was hanging in my bedroom in the townhouse we stayed in with Habitat for Hope in Memphis. This was the picture I stared at when I had to call Richard and tell him that Ellie's cancer was all over her brain and they said she had four weeks to live. I stared at that picture and cried on the side of my bed, confused and at peace all at the same time. That I can remember, hearing Richard's voice break, knowing he was driving, afraid he was gonna have an accident, feeling like I just wanted to run away. That pain is real when I see that picture.

It was like this amazing bright lightbulb that flickered amongst all the tears yesterday, HOPE.

We stayed with Habitat for Hope, we became friends, we fundraised for them. They were special to us.

Seven years later, we are about to create 1061 HOPE Boxes for HOPE for Appalachia.

He knew then. He had a plan. He knew what we were destined for. He knew I'd try to fill the Ellie hole with something, and I'd eventually learn that I can't fill it with anything else except HOPE.

He also knew I would hurt. He knew I'd fall apart. He knew who to put around me to hug me and pray for me.

It hurts, but there is HOPE. It It hurts, but I am thankful for the hurt and HOPE. Hope and confidence that this world and the chaos within it will not last forever.

A license plate pulled in front of me yesterday, in the midst of my tears, that said SORROW. I had to stop in the middle of my tears and laugh out loud...really God, what does that mean? Believe it or not, I found that same license plate at the end of my day in a parking lot...I laughed again, ok God, I'm listening.

This morning, mixed with my HOPE light bulb, I get it... Sorrow will always be here on Earth, we can't escape it. But with my HOPE in Jesus, I know that sorrow will soon be erased! I will be with the one who created me. Who planned out my life and who has walked beside me every step of the way!