I officially became a Blaine 16 years ago. But I was a Blaine the moment I walked into Richard's life 20 years ago, because that's how they roll! If you ever want to see Jesus' love in action, go to my Mother in Law's house, she will feed you, chat with you and hug you and then you are family!

The Blaines are huge in numbers and coming from a smaller family, I was overwhelmed at first.  Always a baby somewhere to be held and a line of people fighting over who got to hold the baby next. When Richard's nephew was born - the first one I was around for - I was so scared to hold him, I'd never held a baby that small! No judgement from then!  Even though I hate pickles, they still loved me.

Whenever they got together for holidays, never an empty place to sleep, but they'd find you one.  I remember the first time I saw the floor lined with cousins, thinking "this is nuts". I didn't sleep much that first night, but it was fun! No one complained and woke up the next morning smiling and ready for more!

I watched as extended family grew and grew, but the relationships between them was always so close.  Taking care of each others kids, cooking with one another, stuffing 6 million easter eggs and only finding 2 million of them, watching TV, talking and just loving.  Even as we got older and and had less and less time, there was always an effort to keep getting together. The visits may not include as many sleepovers but there's still 6 million eggs and a ton of food, because they are Blaines and that's what they do.

This weekend should have been the annual Labor Day cook out.  Where if you've ever been a part of the Blaine Family, you are invited. Where we wouldn't hide eggs, but we would for sure cook and eat more food than should be legal.  Once upon a time there would be a volleyball net with an intense gamein progress.  This weekend should have had kids running everywhere, adults yelling "car" when the next member of the family came driving in.  There should be a sliding door that is never closed, music and more recently campers parked in the yard from the cousins that have officially outgrown the living room floor. 

But God had other plans...and that one is hard to wrap my brain around this Labor Day weekend.  Richard's dad passed away Wednesday, August 31st.  We weren't ready for that - not that anyone ever is, but we really weren't ready. After praying him through two surgeries, we had this hope of all being well.  So when the call came, we were heartbroken. And found ourselves asking "Why God?"

I bet He hears that a lot. And here's where faith comes into action. 

Why was he okay and then not?

Why was Richard out of town when this happened?

Why didn't we get more warning?

Why do we have to go through this pain?

This list could go on and on...and when you can't come up with the answers yourself, you just have to Trust God, trust that He knew everything that happened, where everyone was and why they were there. I believe in a God that has no coincidences, just a plan. 

On these days where it's hard to look forward at what the future has in store, I have to look back at all He has done before and know He will do it again. We've been in grief before, He got us through, strengthened us and I have no doubt He will again. 

Over the past few days, I've seen a lot of tears, but I've also seen a lot of faith.  I watch the Queen of the Blaine crew, my mother in law, cling to Jesus, cling to what she knows.  She is walking in her faith right now, and I know Jesus is looking at her saying "I got you, keep clinging".  

I am blessed to be a Blaine, even if I wasn't born with that name, even if I don't like pickles, they still love me. 

To read more about the great guy who left this world, https://www.foundandsons.com/obituaries/James-Blaine-4/?fbclid=IwAR2dnRlRBD8_dE3LC26Wjhm6be8SeuExm2-ul_IL410Gy9hk9wckXRydNSo#!/Obituary

Driving Down Memory Lane

As we drove home from the beach this year, Noah noticed how quiet I was (the boy picks up on everything) and asked what was up.  It was hard to explain to him how this trip down a physical road, had flooded my mind with so many memories.

Memories I wasn’t excited about, wasn't proud of, memories that shook me, in a way I hadn’t expected, and it probably wasn’t until he asked me what was wrong, did I realize I had gone back in time in my mind.

I went to collage in Hampton Roads area, drove that same highway numerous times. I was a completely different person in that time. Someone following a boy to college (don’t do it), someone completely unsure of themselves, someone looking for acceptance in others, someone to tell me I was worth something and loved. 

I didn’t have a bad childhood by any means. I knew my parents loved me and were proud of me.  I danced, played soccer for a whole season, did well in school, went to church when I was supposed to, but there was something missing that I had no idea that was missing, until I found it (that probably sounds confusing!)

I grew up believing that I just had to be good enough to go to heaven.  Don’t ask what good enough is…that’s a pretty subjective topic!  Like my kids would say pickles are good…I think there is nothing more gross!  We all have a different idea of good, and mine got more and more skewed the older I got. I’m pretty sure by the time I graduated high school, I wasn’t even thinking for myself anymore, I let others tell me what was good, no matter what the cost.  Oh that girl…if I could shake her I would!! I just had no idea that the acceptance and love I was looking for wasn’t going to come from a boy or a friend.  They are human and they fail, just like me. 

We are studying Jonah in VBS is this summer, and this past week I read about the attention grabbing wake up call God gave Jonah in the form of a storm. A storm that shook that boat and had all the boat people “crying out to their gods.” Jonah 1:5. You remember the story of Jonah, I’m sure! God told him to go somewhere and preach, and Jonah decided he knew what was good and he decided to go somewhere else.  God sent a warning in the form of that storm.  

My sophomore year of college, God sent me that warning, that wake up call that life was getting a little ridiculous. He was tired of watching me let others decide what was good. I left school a few weeks into my first semester that year. I completely ignored that warning. It wasn’t my fault, I was just unlucky…the excuses went on.  After some time at home, I went to another school 30 minutes from the first…I went right back to the life He tried to pull me away from because it felt “good”. Again I could shake that girl…she was so lost! 

But God…

Those two little words.  He didn’t give up on me, He didn’t decide I was too far gone or had sinned too much.  He continued His pursuit of me.  Looking back on it, it truly is a love story.  A story about how much God loved me!  Because of my time at home I worked a lot.  God brought Richard into my life at work.  We started dating, that led to a real relationship. That led to meeting his family, which was the first time I was introduced to a Baptist church.  I was intrigued. I wanted that.  I wanted that joy, I wasn’t sure I wanted to throw my arms in the air or yell Amen… but I knew there was something there.  Fast forward a marriage, a pregnancy, and now we find ourselves in a church, uncomfortable as all get out because I didn’t think I belonged. Yet we kept going and slowly God became real to me. I learned that the way to heaven wasn’t being “good enough”.  It was through a relationship with Jesus.  It was through acknowledging my sin, acknowledging Jesus’ death and resurrection, and acknowledging my need for him. “That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

From there God held our hands and hearts through births, deaths, job changes, pandemics, more births and more deaths.  I found what I was missing. I found the man that loves me, pays attention to me, accepts me, created me in His image.  I found what I didn’t know I needed, and I don’t have to be “good enough” to get it, it was freely given to me!

Now…I will admit I still struggle almost daily with acceptance of the world. I want my husband to acknowledge all I do, I want him to tell me I’m pretty.  But he’s human, he will fail.  I want my kids to be kind to me and respect others, but they are also human and they will fail. I want my friends to say all the right things to make me feel better, but they are human, they will fail.  I want to push all my anxieties aside and boldly try new things without fear…but you guessed it…I’m human I will fail. 

 

As much as I want these things, I don’t go searching for them in the world anymore. I go to God.  I tell Him my frustrations and all the ways I’ve failed and how those around me have let me down.  And He sweetly reminds me every time, that they will never be able to give me the things I want, only He can.  We (God and I) have this conversation often…because I’m a slow learner and I’m pretty sure while living in this world, I’m going to keep looking for it to meet my needs. The only One who can is the God that created me, didn’t give up on me, took that lost girl and changed her life.  

That drive home just stirred my soul so much. Happy and sad tears flowed, regretting the bad stuff but in awe of the face that despite all the bad God saved me, not because I deserved it or I was good enough, simply because He loves me and I asked Him to.  I drove back up 64 towards home, so grateful for the changes in me.  Thankful for the conversation it started between Noah and I about the importance of repentance and God's forgiveness! Honored to be called a Child of God. 

The only picture of us from vacation!

And the crazy cousins!

Where this all started

After Ellie died, there was understandably a hole in my heart.  It was so empty and nothing filled it up.  With her birthday closing in, we decided to have a party. But what do you do at a birthday party when the birthday girls isn't there?  So we decided to do something for someone else.  We chose a charity that was close to one our nurse's hearts and the idea of Ellie's Birthday Party was born.  

As good as it felt to do good and watch the amount of donations roll in, she still wasn't there. Over the next few years we raised money...a lot of money for different cancer charities and kept on celebrating Ellie's birthday by choosing other charities to help, but that hole wasn't filling up.  After each big event or fundraiser, I'd wake up the next day as empty as the day before.  

I knew I wanted to do something that shared our love of Jesus, in Ellie's name. I think the problem was I was making it all about Ellie for the first few years. Then I heard about Hope for Appalachia.  I remember driving to school, I remember exactly where I was in the car when I first heard them on the radio. God spoke to my heart and told me that was my next charity.  We reached out to Pastor Mike and told him our story and what we wanted to do.  

In 2017 we packed 120 Hope Boxes in my basement!

I don't remember the exact feeling that next day.  But a few weeks later, Richard and I headed to Kentucky on our first mission trip ever to deliver these boxes. 

And I remember that feeling.  I remember being exhausted in the best way ever!  I remember feeling so nervous and excited all at the same time! After that trip, I knew we had found our place!  It went from 120 boxes, to 400, 500, to 600, to 1061, to this year's 1625! We went from covering a few grade levels to covering an entire county.  The biggest thing is that this has become more about spreading the good news of Jesus and less about Ellie.  

I was so worried in the beginning she would be forgotten.  Raised all the money, spoke at all the events, just so I could talk about her.  That was my way to deal with grief, if I talked about her, it made her real, it made her life seem worth it.  The more and more Hope Boxes we made, the more I realized she will always be in my heart.  I will always carry her story with me wherever I go, be it work or to Kentucky.  Telling people about Ellie doesn't change their eternity but hearing about Jesus does. God has led me to an organization where I get to tell people my story of how God used a little girl with cancer to help kids in Kentucky! 

We just celebrated Ellie's birthday for the 8th time without her. Never fails to hit me the next day.  I feel empty again...but it sure doesn't take long for me to remember to fill that hole up with the thought that He has always been right there.  He holds me up when I feel like I can't stand anymore. He helps me breathe when I can't find the patience or the breath. Reminders of all He has done! 

Thank you all for making it possible! Without your continuous donations we couldn't do this.  Thank you for being faithful and allowing us to share our passion with you! Thank you!

We have one last fundraiser to top off our Hope Boxes and purchase some bibles to take with us.  If you are interested in a shirt or a hat, please visit our fundraising page by clicking the picture below! (You only have till Friday to order).

I do have a prayer request.  Please pray for our mission trip. Please pray that the doors will be open to the schools and that we will be able to talk to the kids!

Prayers, Praise and Pink

~ Carly