Short but Sweet

"Dear Ellie,

When you are 3, every day is a new adventure. You are learning and growing each day. You are a beautiful little girl whose life and love have touched everyone you've met. Keep shining, singing, laughing, playing, learning and living. I hope your 3rd birthday is full of magic and surprises."

This letter was written at my baby shower for Ellie. My sister had everyone write letters to her for each birthday. I found them today while working on Ellie's room. Tears immediately filled my eyes and my heart broke, I'm sure you can imagine why, then I couldn't resist reading #3, even though I knew I probably shouldn't...plus it's not her birthday yet.  This letter was written to Ellie, when she wasn't even born yet. No one knew the color of her hair yet, how chubby she would be, or that she would have the best dimple in the world. No one knew the path she would take, except God. And the story behind the person who wrote it, is pretty special too at this moment...but that for a whole other blog. 

As hard as today as been staring at piles of pink stuffed animals and blankets, finding her baby book I never wrote it, and sorting hair bows, remembering exactly what outfit she work with what....this is more proof to me that The Lord has truly laid out our path in life long before we were ever conceived.  And as much as I don't like the feelings of today, anger towards my situation, crazy with the battle of my flesh vs my hope in The Lord, helpless that this will never feel better...I know that He has a plan for all this.  There's a reason for the pain, there's a reason for birthday letters she won't read, there's a reason she had 500,000 stuffed animals (okay so I'm exaggerating a little, but there is a ton), there's a reason SG will only ever know her sister though stories, there's a reason for all the people that have been brought into my life, there's a reason her life was only 1061 days long. And I guess the reason I don't understand all of it at the moment, is God wants to have a good long chat with me when I get to heaven. I can't wait to connect all the dots, although I'm starting to see some of the lines, and they are beautiful.  To just think The Lord orchestrated this whole life just for me, for Ellie, for Noah, for all of us. Makes you feel kinda special.

I miss her with every inch of my being, especially as we prepare to celebrate her birthday without her physically here. It will be another part of our beautiful journey and I am so grateful to be surrounded by the people God has put into my life, that hold me up, even when they don't realize it.

 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him

Lamentations 3: 22-25

Prayers, Praise and Pink

Carly