The Blaines

The Blaines
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Buggin' For a Cure

Buggin' For a Cure
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Saturday, January 18, 2014

Short but Sweet


"Dear Ellie,
When you are 3, every day is a new adventure. You are learning and growing each day. You are a beautiful little girl whose life and love have touched everyone you've met. Keep shining, singing, laughing, playing, learning and living. I hope your 3rd birthday is full of magic and surprises."

This letter was written at my baby shower for Ellie. My sister had everyone write letters to her for each birthday. I found them today while working on Ellie's room. Tears immediately filled my eyes and my heart broke, I'm sure you can imagine why, then I couldn't resist reading #3, even though I knew I probably shouldn't...plus it's not her birthday yet.  This letter was written to Ellie, when she wasn't even born yet. No one knew the color of her hair yet, how chubby she would be, or that she would have the best dimple in the world. No one knew the path she would take, except God. And the story behind the person who wrote it, is pretty special too at this moment...but that for a whole other blog. 

As hard as today as been staring at piles of pink stuffed animals and blankets, finding her baby book I never wrote it, and sorting hair bows, remembering exactly what outfit she work with what....this is more proof to me that The Lord has truly laid out our path in life long before we were ever conceived.  And as much as I don't like the feelings of today, anger towards my situation, crazy with the battle of my flesh vs my hope in The Lord, helpless that this will never feel better...I know that He has a plan for all this.  There's a reason for the pain, there's a reason for birthday letters she won't read, there's a reason she had 500,000 stuffed animals (okay so I'm exaggerating a little, but there is a ton), there's a reason SG will only ever know her sister though stories, there's a reason for all the people that have been brought into my life, there's a reason her life was only 1061 days long. And I guess the reason I don't understand all of it at the moment, is God wants to have a good long chat with me when I get to heaven. I can't wait to connect all the dots, although I'm starting to see some of the lines, and they are beautiful.  To just think The Lord orchestrated this whole life just for me, for Ellie, for Noah, for all of us. Makes you feel kinda special.

I miss her with every inch of my being, especially as we prepare to celebrate her birthday without her physically here. It will be another part of our beautiful journey and I am so grateful to be surrounded by the people God has put into my life, that hold me up, even when they don't realize it.


 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him
Lamentations 3: 22-25

Prayers, Praise and Pink
Carly

7 comments:

Liz Roberts said...

MotheringBoys said...

Love you, my friend. With my heart in my throat and tears streaming down my face, I pray for God to continue to send little blessings that let you know He has you right in the palm of His hand.

A Wedding Story said...

Your posts are so beautiful. Praise God for his grace. Extending prayers for you tonight, sister.

Bonnie Davidson said...

Carly, as I'm sure you are very aware of the fact that your family has inspired so many people, you still coninue to do so, and sadly enough through your own pain. I wish it were not so, but I thank you for your beautiful and heartfelt posts. You are an amazing Christian woman! Prayers continue for your family for comfort and peace, but also that God will never stop using Ellie for His glory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jan Broom said...

Thank you for loving with all your heart. Your sweet Ellie touches us and reminds us of how precious each moment is. The little things that make us crazy don't really matter despite how loud they sound. After my own daughter returned to Heaven I felt guilty when I cried too long or felt angry for not understanding and then I remembered that even Jesus wept and felt anger so Heaven simply loves us through those moments. Your amazing little family lived and loved and shared more hope in three short years than most of us will ever hope to. You are a gift to all of us and there simply aren't adequate words to express how grateful we are.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing Carly. You ARE having a profound impact on many people you may never even meet. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you...God bless