Grace

Have you lost your mind yet?

I have...multiple times...maybe multiple times in one day.

My kids, the hens that are actually roosters, my kids, going to the store, masks, no masks, going back to work, wanting to be in church, wanting to stay home, wanting my kids out of my house, the pool that hasn't shown up yet, a new job, my kids, braces, being lazy, Facebook, new chicks, a new office, a 2.5 year old, staying up to late...

Today I'm stuck in that spiral of negative thoughts, I'm stuck thinking about all the things I wish would change.  I'm hung up on my kids' lack of appreciation, their bad attitudes...while I sit here, stuck in mine...yeah I said it...I want my kids to be appreciative, but I can't say I'm doing a real good job at it lately either.

I imagine that's how God feels some days.  As I launch into my parental speech about how there are kids out there who don't have 100 Barbies, no siblings to play with and, no food...I want to roll my eyes at myself (although SG has a good enough eye roll for all of us!)  Imagine if God showed up when I'm whining about my kids and laid into me about the many people who have no children and want them desperately.  How He must feel when I'm complaining about all the things He's given me. Or when I'm not taking the time to find the blessing in my current situation. 

I'm missing grace. The same grace God hands me daily when I mess up, I'm not giving to the people in my house.  When my name gets said for the 100th time, I yell "What" instead of being thankful to be called mom.

I'm getting anxious about school, I want so bad to start my new job, but I understand the fears. I want to tell my girls their schedule and where they will be going what days, but I don't know. I want to tell my son he's finally gonna get to see his friends again but I don't know if that's 100%.

There's a whole lot I don't know right now...like if my chickens are boys or girls (sorry its the running joke in our family right now!)  or when I'm going to get to use my Pinterest worthy new office or when my kids can eat lunch in the cafeteria with their friends.

I have two choices right now...

I can stay stuck in the "I don't knows".  I can keep being irritated with my kids, keep holding grudges against them because they didn't take a long nap, keep snapping at them because I'm tired of making dinner every night.

-or-

I can find the light, I can find His light. I can tell my kids I don't know about school, but I can also tell them, I do know that God has protected us this far. God has brought us through some tough things before and I believe and trust that He will do so again. I can tell them I waited almost 7 years to be at this job because God told me to, we can hang on a little bit longer because He knows best. I can be gracious to them, because like me, this new life is tough for them too. This new schedule one day and no schedule the next can be confusing.  I can remind them that sometimes we all need a little space, and I can try my best to provide them that space.  I can remind myself, daily, every hour, every minute if necessary that I have a choice on how I act. I can hand them truth in scripture when they feel out of control and confused. 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Thanks for letting me get my mind back with you all...I may have lost it again while attempting to type this with Stori touching EVERYTHING...I'm giving her grace...I'm giving her grace...

~Carly