The Blaines

The Blaines
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Buggin' For a Cure

Buggin' For a Cure
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Thursday, April 24, 2014

This is a test

I hate tests....I'm a bad test taker! Never broke 1000 on my SAT's (do they still take those?) Never in the past year did I really feel like we were being tested, although I may want to go back and read all my old posts to see if I ever said that...I'll rephrase. Looking back at the best year, I don't think we were being tested. I think we were being led on our journey. We were being taught our strength when we rely on The Lord. We were being shown a whole other side of life that a lot of people don't see or experience. We were being used to spread the Love of Jesus. 

Now, I feel like I'm being tested. I feel like God is saying "you just went through this crazy year, you learned a lot, now can you use it?" ....I'm sure my school friends would call that practical application or some Blooms taxonomy level. The bad part about this test is my brain is so jumbled up I just can't think. I'm having a hard time retrieving that prior knowledge and applying it to my new situation. (I've been planning my test taking/anixety lessons, can you tell?) 

In the past year, I've written a lot. I've preached a lot. I've encouraged a lot. Now I'm at the point where I have to take all that stuff I wrote about trusting God, believing in His plan, knowing He will provide and really live it. Kinda funny how easy it was to live that way when that was the only option. We couldn't control our situation, all we could do was to leave it up to God. We couldn't make the cancer go away, we couldn't make the medicines, we couldn't fix it. Realizing all that made it so much easier to trust God.  We aren't in that situation any more. We are back in the world where we can control things and it's funny how much harder it is. Living for today seems to be a thing of the past. Here we are once again trying to plan for the rest of our lives.  If I could figure out how to realize that I am really not control of anything, maybe it would be easier to trust in His plan again, instead of doing my best of convincing Him what I think His plan should be. 

The only study guide for this test is my Bible. And luckily everything I read tonight told me just how much my God loves me. Not based on my actions or thoughts. He knows my everything, and still loves me. 
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:8-14 NIV)

I am asking for prayer for my family tonight, I haven't asked in a while, and I know that many still pray for us. But specially asking that we would truly surrender all control. We would trust that He has a plan. We would remember all those past lessons and apply them to our new life. Thank you.

There is one test I passed recently, that I've gotten pretty good at passing...

We found out in February that we are expecting baby #4. And as exciting as new life is, it came with some heart ache, and truely took me some time. I don't know how to explain the feeling you get when something exciting happens in your family, but there's someone missing to enjoy it with. It kinda is a mixture of guilt (even though you know there is nothing to feel guilty about) and sadness, but swirled happiness.  Once we told Noah and he became beyond excited I felt much better. He has been talking about a little brother since last year. I joking told him he better start praying...I guess it worked. We don't know if it's a brother yet, Noah has assured us he will be happy even if it's a sister, but for him, I really hope it's a boy!

Prayers, Praise and Pink
Carly

6 comments:

Beth Fisher said...

Praying for you...I know what it is like to "almost" miss the terrible pain that meant we had to cling to Jesus moment by moment. He felt so close all the time, like our next breath, and that was by necessity, whereas now it is possible to do routine things without His constant attention. Now I miss that closeness even though it was born of tragedy. <3

Rebecca Mitchell said...

As always thank you for sharing with us, Carly. I think we're all searching for the cliff's notes version of life...I completely relate...it's MUCH easier for me to take action and respond in a crisis or similar situation. There is no time for my brain to wander off and get in my way! :) an amazing teacher once told me it's our flight or fight response that shuts down our brain's frontal lobe in adversarial situations...we don't think...we survive. But for me it's everything in between that seems so hard. I think I may have been sick the day they taught that in school ;) <3

Mary Brooks said...

Carly, prayers going out for your family. Congratulations on your new little addition! You have been an amazing inspiration to so many like me. Trust in The Lord....he has picked you to share his word and you do it so well. Thank you and God bless!

Tonya Crawford said...

We continue to pray for you and your family daily. You have touched our lives in ways you can't even imagine and we Thank you for your strength, knowledge and sharing. You are definitely heaven sent and a guiding light to us all through God's word and by his grace! Congratulations on your news of baby #4. God Bless you with love.

Anonymous said...

God bless you and keep your family on the path to healing. The hole in your heart will always be there, but the joy of another child will make it smaller.
You will forever be in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

First, I love your blog. (I found you some time back through dear sweet Abby Grace.) Thank you for sharing this next part of your journey, and Congratulations on the new life you are now nurturing! We'll pray for Noah's wish that it's a boy (;)), but above all for peace and continued health for you, your family and this baby. <3