Lately, I'm not!
I've had so many ideas running through my crazy head about what to write about, and as I was sharing this story with a friend today, I realized, this is what I needed to share!
As I near the end of my pregnancy, the doctor's appointments get more and more frequent. I have the extra special challenge of gestational diabetes, so I get monitored by a few different sets of doctors. And in typical Blaine style, I don't go to the doctor in the same county where I live or work :) so the back and forth does get old after a while. I have Noah with me at school too, so I usually have to tote him along...he's probably the only 6 year old that knows that you pee in a cup when you go to the OB.
So at my last doctor appointments, I was so stressed. I had to leave early, pull Noah out of school because the specialist I see closes earlier than other doctors offices. Luckily I can see both my doctors in one day, but I hate pulling him out. The dreaded conversation came up about weekly heart monitoring...not because anything is wrong with the baby, just because that's protocol. Of course, I'm going to do what the doctors feel is best, but the little girl in me (not the no named baby) just wanted someone to give in a little to what would make my life easier! My doctor suggested I call the hospital in the town where I work and see if they could do the weekly tests. Again I'm ready to cry...I don't even order pizza on the phone, much less call some random hospital and ask about a test. After we left the doctor's office, I think I cried half the way home, I let Noah watch a movie in the car because I didn't want him to hear me venting all my frustrations to Richard on the phone. Not only were the doctors not giving in to what I wanted, SG was also getting sick. And once you've had one child with cancer, I don't think you can ever look at your kids "coming down with something" the same again. My nerves were shot. I got home, and took our little feverish lump from Richard so he and Noah could go to church and I could sit on the couch cuddling my girl, figuring out how I was going to get out of making this phone call!
After Richard and Noah got back from church that night we put Noah to bed and I was crying some more, Richard was doing his best to fix my problems, but I was non consolable, I was convinced nothing he said would work! Noah comes out of his room and crawls up in my lap and hugs me (just what I needed in that moment). We tried to explain to him everything was fine, the doctors just wanted me to come a lot and I couldn't keep taking him out of school early every week. He finally headed to bed.
The next morning Noah asked me if I felt better and what made me feel better. I told him his hug really helped me. Then he said, "well I also prayed for you after I went back to bed", I giggled and told him it was a good thing he did because Mommy forgets to sometimes because I'm too busy trying to fix the problem myself. In the car on the way to school, we were thinking of things to pray about and he said we should ask God to help me find a way to go to the doctor and not have Noah miss too much school. Such a simple prayer, but its what we needed. I immediately thought of a sweet friend who is so faithful to ask God to help her with the small things, like papers she can't find. I always smile when she asks me to pray for those things, but it always works. I never think about praying for simple things like that. I don't know why, is it because I think He doesn't care about the small things, or I just think I can fix it all. If he knows how many hairs are on my head, I think he probably cares enough to help with every detail of my life, if its in his will.
So that's what we prayed for, I sent Noah off to class, proud of the child he is and his new found awareness of prayer! I put my big girl pants on and called the hospital. While I was waiting for a call back from the hospital, my doctor's office called to let me know that my doctor had ended up calling too to see if the local hospital could do my weekly testing (I'm thinking he saw the look of fear on my face and wasn't exactly sure I would follow through!) God answered a prayer, they can do my weekly tests, and they can see me at 4:00. I was so excited that I went and found Noah at lunch to let him know that his prayer was perfect and that God had answered it...he was also very excited!
"And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. "Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:2-4
I was so stressed out about how "I" was going to solve this dilemma, I was forgetting to ask the One who has lead us through every valley and helped us climb back up the mountain. It took my 6 year old to open my eyes and remind me I don't have to solve it all myself. I am so grateful God gave me Noah!
Prayers, Praise and Pink