Wednesday, April 8, 2015

We are on Spring Break. And it's been my first real "down time" day. With the warmer weather and SG growing I knew it was time to tackle clothes once again. The beauty of having all these girls is a ton of hand-me-downs and not having to get new clothes every season! The tough part now is that SG is growing into the clothes that Ellie wore while she was sick. After Ellie passed I put all her clothes in totes nicely sorted downstairs, like we do with all the kids clothes. Those 3 totes (Ellie sure had a ton of clothes) pretty much sat untouched for quite some time, SG was no where near that size yet. Everyonce in a while I'd go looking for something in particular and see those totes, and all the memories packed away in them. I got brave before Christmas and went looking for pajamas for SG, I found Ellie's Santa Jammie's she had on the morning of our early Christmas and I fell apart. I wasn't preparred to find those in that box. I wanted them to smell like her, and they didn't and I just couldn't bring myself to let SG wear them, so I quickly shoved them back in the box and bought her new ones. Clothes seem so insignificant in the moment, but when that person is gone, clothes just hold a lot of thoughts.

I started out just looking for some shoes I knew I had bought Ellie when we were at St. Jude, she never had a chance to wear them, the cutest little fake Toms, all pink and sparkly. SG is a huge shoe fan so I knew she'd like them, and once I found them and showed them to her she was in love...for a few minutes at least. I figured since I had already pulled out one tote, I might as well keep going (and Richard's at work, so he can't holler at me for making a mess!). This time was a much better experience than last! I smiled a lot, remembering places we had been in those clothes, or the people who gave them to her.

I could picture her in my head in her cute outfits and here her excitement over Princess nighties. There were a few tough moments, especially on a certain pair of striped pants from my sister.

And her beloved flip flops that she wasn't allowed to wear on physical therapy days. And this dress...

SG wore it to her 2 year check up...with her boots, her own flair to the outfit!

As I loaded up a bag to transfer to SG's room, I was excited to start seeing her wear some of these things, and get to have those memories all over again. It kinda feels like I'm moving a little bit of Ellie back into her room. The sweetest moment was SG discovering this new bag of clothes...I've told her not to touch...like I really believed she wouldn't...and she keeps running to me wanting to put something else on...who knows what she will look like by the time we get to church, but that's why I love her!

SG will never be her sister, she has her own way of doing a lot of things...and as much as she drives me nuts some days, I love her determination and independence! So some of the poofy skirts and dresses I just left in the tote...it's not SG's style!

I'm so grateful for something so small today. The past couple of weeks have been lonely, something is just missing, and I needed this to happen today...isn't God just awesome like that!