Also after coming home from Kentucky, Noah had proclaimed he really wanted to go on the trip next year. When we went to the get together with all the mission trip folks, there was a sign up sheet for the 2018 trip and Noah immediately went and wrote his name down, without even asking if Richard and I were going, he was a boy on a mission!
So after confirming we were pregnant, I set out to find a new doctor, closer to where I work. I was anxious going somewhere new, knowing I'd have to explain the whole "fifth pregnancy, only 3 living children" situation. Well go figure there's only one doctor's office that delivers babies near work, and the doctor that delivered SG was now at that office! (thanks God for working that all out for me!)
After a little scare, and we knew this baby was growing good, we decided to announce baby #5 to our kids and family. Noah was in disbelief, SG wouldn't leave my side she was so excited, and Lulah could have cared less!
Sometime over the summer, I was convinced that we could do more boxes this year....and by more, I don't mean just a few more, like 3 times the amount we did last year. I thought of all the excuses in the world, and a million "what ifs" as to why we couldn't do this, and I was reminded nothing is too big for my God, and before I knew it 400 plastic boxes were purchased and sitting in my basement...no turning back now! We started collecting items at church and of course the awesome community that surrounds our family started pitching in too. Back to school time was so exciting, searching for who had the best deals on crayons and markers. Financial donations came in and I could online shop in bulk and get more great deals!
As the summer went on and pregnancy progressed, the reality of a baby coming really sunk in and the mission trip was always looming in the back of my mind. I selfishly felt that if I helped coordinate 400 boxes, I should get to go deliver them...and God quickly reminded me, it's not about me, its all about Him, and how in the world was I going to leave a 3 month old for a week or take that baby with me all the way to Kentucky while I was in and out of schools for a week! Again, I pushed the thoughts aside and focused on better things like...where in the world are we going to put a baby in our house?!?! SG and Lulah already share a room, and Noah finally got his own room last year and its painted bright blue and green! Fingers were crossed for a boy and then the baby could eventually sleep in Noah's room!
Of course Noah wanted a brother, I think we all did for Noah's sake. We agreed to let him come to the ultrasound to find out boy or girl, but then the boys put a spin on it...they are sneaky like that. I was told not to look at the screen when she took "the shot" and she wrote it down and gave it to the boys who then when out to dinner and opened the card together to find out boy or girl, it was then up to them to let the rest of us know the gender.
Those boys worked and worked for two days on "something" behind closed doors...all I knew was it involved Legos. I was expecting this elaborate structure, but when they finally emerged, out they came with a little house....with about 4 more little lego boxes inside of it, each with a lego figure representing a family member! When I finally got to the last box, out emerged a lego princess. Another girl, Noah is just meant to be an only boy!
Hand-me-downs and Hand-me-backs started rolling in (we had kinda gotten rid of all our baby stuff..oops). We continued to also collect for our 400 boxes all at the same time! Donations were rolling in and before we knew it, my shelves that used to house yarn and crafts now all had school supplies on them, it was so exciting to watch our church family and community get so involved.
I finally came to grips with the fact that I would not be going on this mission trip, and I had peace with that decision. I knew it would be hard to have my boys leave, but I knew it was the right thing to do, and besides, we had a baby to name...I couldn't spend my days wallowing in self pity! We had so many conversations about a baby name, with a range of suggestions from Rainbow Sprinkles to Cookie to Claire...you can figure out which kid suggested which! We went round and round....the problem being Sarah-Grace and Lulah both have "stories" behind their names. I felt like just picking a random name, just didn't fit into our family! One day while scowering the baby name websites, I came across the name Story, and I got chills, I loved it....but that name is so different! I ran it by Richard and he seemed unimpressed, so I wrote it on the list and just let it be. We went through quite a few other names, but as soon as I heard this song, I knew what my number one pick was.
So about 2 weeks before she was born, we decided on Stori Anne Marie Blaine. Her name is a constant reminder of the story of our lives, and how it is our job to share it with others, share how good God has been to us to carry us through those tough times in life and the love he has for us.
She weighed the exact same amount as Ellie, which was a sweet little touch from God! The kids adore her...a little too much sometimes. She is calm and peaceful and so sweet, and the perfect addition to our family!
Like with all major life events, this one was another reminder of Ellie not being physically here with us, that life will continue to move on, and it's up to us how we choose to live it. I still look at my girls and wonder what it would be like if they were all 4 here, would they all be blondes, would anyone have my hair, would they get along better or continue to fight like they do now but I also look at them all (all 4) and thank God that I was chosen to be their mom. Each is so special, and different and perfect in her own way (even when I struggle to see it)!
As I type, Noah and Richard are in Kentucky with Hope for Appalachia. Tomorrow they will be delivering all those 400 boxes to the students at Rosspoint Elementary. I can't wait for them to come home (because single moming it is super hard) and hear about all the different experiences they had!
Prayers, Praise, and Pink
~Carly
Like with all major life events, this one was another reminder of Ellie not being physically here with us, that life will continue to move on, and it's up to us how we choose to live it. I still look at my girls and wonder what it would be like if they were all 4 here, would they all be blondes, would anyone have my hair, would they get along better or continue to fight like they do now but I also look at them all (all 4) and thank God that I was chosen to be their mom. Each is so special, and different and perfect in her own way (even when I struggle to see it)!
As I type, Noah and Richard are in Kentucky with Hope for Appalachia. Tomorrow they will be delivering all those 400 boxes to the students at Rosspoint Elementary. I can't wait for them to come home (because single moming it is super hard) and hear about all the different experiences they had!
Prayers, Praise, and Pink
~Carly
1 comment:
Thank you Carly. I've gone back and read through most of your posts beginning with the one where you found ito Ellie's diagnosis. It has helped pass the time as I sit with my own 14 month old in the hospital as he battles cancer. There are so many similarities, it is totally a God thing. My oldest son is 4, just started preschool when our second son was diagnosed with pineal anlage tumor (sub type of pineoblastoma, only more rare, if you can believe it). He was 9 months at the time. About a month into treatment we found out we are pregnant with our third, a girl!
I too struggle with so many of the same doubts, fears, inner expectations... But I cannot agree more that our hope is founded in the greatest source of all: Jesus Christ. Thank you, thank you for not shying away, either from the pain, or the truth of God's mercy. Thank you for not caring what people think.
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