The Blaines

The Blaines
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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I can shovel!

But don't tell Richard! We have had yet another snow storm here in good old VA! The only difference in this one is that Richard is in Florida. Normally when a snow storm is headed our way, Richard parks the cars in the right spots, remembers to put the wipers up and gets the rock salt all ready...well guess whose wipers were stuck to the windshield...opps! It started snowing Monday, and snowed hard all day, till about 3 and then the most beautiful pink sunset occurred. 

As pink sky pictures popped up all over Facebook, I couldn't help but smile. I guess as a parent whose lost a child, you are afraid that your child will be forgotten, she wasn't forgotten that day.

As the snow let up, I figured it was time to suck it up and start shoveling, at least the sidewalk. I have to be looked rough! I'm spoiled by my hubby who will go out and shovel no matter the conditions, and he always clears the sidewalk perfectly, apparently I don't have that same ability. I went on a hunt for rock salt to melt all the slick spots. I found some...up high on a shelf. Again I would normally ask for help, but I had to go find my own stool to stand on (man do I sound spoiled?) 

Today as I headed out again to take advantage of the sun and the warmth, I grabbed my shovel. And I not sure if I was just delerious from the kids at home by myself all week, or The Lord was truly speaking to me...but I heard "see what you are capable of?" And as the snow melted away, thanks to my shoveling and salt spreading, I had a sense of satisfaction. Not that I want to shovel in the next snow storm (and the way it's been a round here lately that may be next week!) but when I have to do something, when I have no other option, I can do it. I thought back to Ellie, like I always do. I thought back to all the times I heard "I don't know how you do it."  There were no other choices, we just had to. And just like shoveling is no fun, neither is watching your child near the end of her life...but what else are you gonna do?

Why does God put us in these uncomfortable situations? Why does he give us these tasks that seem impossible? The only answer I can give is so that you can see just what you are capable of. So that you can find your strength, and even if it's just from snow shoveling, you can feel happy of the thing you accomplished. I am not happy that Ellie is gone, but I'm super proud of the way Richard and I dealt with it all. I am happy that we continually prayed for guidance and strength to help us accomplish those gigantic tasks. We faced the unthinkable, and I remember often thinking, "how in the world are we going to do this?" But the awesome thing about God, he will lead you down the path that works best. It might not seem like the best path at the time, but I promise you, there's a reason for all the detours, wrong turns, u-turns and traffic delays...he's got it all worked out!

I face my next mountain tomorrow, I go back to work after not being there for almost 6 months. I told Noah I was nervous, of course he asked why. I told him I was worried I might cry...his response "remember what you told me at the cemetary mom? It's okay to cry" I hate when my words comeback to bite me, but he's right. The only person who has a problem with me crying is me. So I will head into work tomorrow (2 hours late...thank you Culpeper!) I know I will be surrounded by love...that's the best part of working with kids! I know that God has given me this challenge to help me see my strength and His. And I will keep reminding myself to be Princess Strong!

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. (Psalm 28:7 NIV)

I sure will miss these two tomorrow! And my snow shoveling super hubby comes home tomorrow!
Prayers, Praise and Pink,


Anonymous said...

You are always such an inspiration!

Anonymous said...

Your words to describe your feelings and how God is with us at all times is truly amazing and inspiring! Prayers and blessings to you and your family...Ellie will never be forgotten.

Gena said...

Thank you Carley, I was able to give my son some answers to some tough questions he asked this moring, you and Ellie will always be remembered

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you. You are amazing. Princess Strong.

Anonymous said...

You and your family are an inspiration to us all! Ellie will forever be in our hearts.

Susan said...

We could never forget about your beautiful princess Ellie. She and your entire family has been such an inspiration to so many people. Even though I never met her or you, I feel like I know you through your blogs and look forward to reading each and every one. My prayers will be with you as you go back to work. Noah's's OK to cry. Lean on your friends...they want to help. May God Bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing your journey I check your blog every few days to see a new post. I find peace in your words and wisdom beyond your years..... again thank you

Faith said...

beautiful. so much wisdom and truth in this. thank you<3

Blair @ The Seasoned Mom said...

Hi Carly! I just wanted to stop by your blog to say hello! My oldest son, Gibbs, goes to St. Thomas's Preschool in Orange. I bought a couple of your cookbooks through a fundraiser at the school a few months ago, and I have been so inspired by your story. I also happen to love the cookbook. :)

My brother passed away from leukemia when we were younger, and his memory is still with me on a daily basis. Please know that your sweet Ellie will never be forgotten. Thanks for sharing your story! I look forward to following your blog.

Pam Green said...

You always make me cry but it ok because i LOVE reading your blogs <3 Prayers and thinking you always <3

Anonymous said...

Carly, I hope you don't mind me borrowing the sentence starting with "The awesome thing about God.." and posting it to my FB. What an inspirational saying especially when someone is struggling with the path they're on. Your continued strength and faith inspires me. Toni