A friend shared a link to a blog yesterday that I cannot get out of my head.
http://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/
This sweet young family lost their 4 month old baby girl last week, and as I sit here holding my 4 week old blessing, I can't even imagine the pain they are going through. I spend my days complaining about sore boobs, and laundry and this mother has had to pick out her daughter's casket. I've thought and thought about them, and one thing keeps jumping into my mind, what would I do? So many times when friends are going through hard times, I try to remind them that God has a plan for them and He won't give them anything He won't help them through. Then I think back to this mom, could I truly believe that in her situation. Could I still continue to praise him during the loss of someone so close to me or would I curse him? Would I continue to go to church with a smile on my face or would I shut myself away? Would I thank him for the time I had or would I hate him for the time he took away from me? Could I continue to seek him, live in his will and ask him for guidance or let myself start to run my life? Oh how I pray that if I was ever put in a situation like this family, I could continue to love my God and I would count on his grace to carry me through. I pray this family is surrounded by His love and they know He is in control. Take a minute to say a prayer for this family and then praise God for yours!

Guess Whose Getting Married???

Nope, not Ellie, since her father has determined she won't date till she's 30! My little sister is!!! The organizer in me is super excited to plan a wedding and the big sister in me is so happy for my little sister! I cannot wait for her big day...I've only been planning my Maid of Honor speech for like 3 years now...I think it will include a song :)! I'm most excited because my little sister is so devoted to her friends and goes out of her way to make others happy and to support others, its about time she had that special day where everyone goes out of their way to make her happy! My hope is that I can be as supportive to her as she has been to me over the years since I got married! (And I hope I don't drive her crazy with my anal planning)

Ellie was named a flower girl, before she was even born! We took her...and Cate...to a bridal show to get them prepared! Ellie slept through the whole thing and I think Cate may have had a minor panic attack...all that bridal is a little overwhelming! We LOVE you Cay Cay!!!

I'm not Superwoman

I've heard this song a million times, even made sure it was on a CD I gave to my Mom at my wedding...but it's never meant more to me than today. I'd really be struggling with the nursing thing and all the set backs we've had and my lack of enjoyment of it. I knew I should be thanking the Lord for my child and the ability to feed her and not stressing the pain, but I wasn't doing that. I kept thinking I should enjoy this, I should do this with a smile on my face, while making dinner and doing the laundry....but that's not me! I had that moment of clarity last night. We are now fighting mastitis...if you've never experienced this, feel lucky...however since I've had it before, I saw it right away and called the doctor and got meds before it got bad. I was snuggling on the couch with Ellie, which never happens for some reason, and I realized I was so much more than just her source of food. I helped give her life, I dieted for 9 months to keep her safe and healthy, I change her diapers and pick out cute clothes for her (which I know she will be thankful for one day), I wake up in the middle of the night to feed her, and most importantly I give her love. My value as a mom isn't dependant upon how my child is fed...of course typing this, I think..DUH! But when you're in the throws on new babydom, you forget these things! So Ellie had her first pumped bottle last night and guess what...she survived and so did I! And a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. This is who I am, this is what we did with Noah and he is alive and kicking! This is what makes me happy - I don't have to be the cookie cutter perfect Mommy, I just have to be me, even if it includes a pump and a bottle! Because no matter what - I'm somebody's hero!

(P.S. I do realize that my husband does just as much as I do....can't forget to give him credit too, because he's my hero!)

Kerrie TV: "Keep Breathing" Live Performance

I shared this video with a friend the other day...not realizing I'd be needing it myself so soon! Sometimes I get so overwhelmed all I can do is escape to my shower (don't worry Richard is home, I'm not abandoning my child) and let the hot water wash away the tears. You'd think I'd be good to go today since my girl slept till 5 am...you go Ellie B. But for some reason...oh wait, we know what the reason is...hormones...I can't keep it together today. Frustrations with nursing today just got the best of me today, and you can't really be mad at a 3 week old...I'm sure one day those crazy flying arms of hers will do something great. You'd also think it would be easier with Richard here, but I think I'm so worried he'll see I'm not perfect, that I'm not Suzie homemaker...but my husband has never expected that out of me. It's also hard when you feel like the only time your child wants you is when it's time to eat, we don't get to spend much time talking or cooing at each other, because soon it turns into...FEED ME TIME...BUT I'm happy to say, I'm okay right now, there's sun outside and I'm about to escape into the sunshine to pick up my favorite two year old...by myself! I foresee windows down and Sugarland bumping! All I have to remember is to "Keep Breathing"

What I've learned in three weeks

First I've learned I don't know my child's birthday, since in my previous post, I wrote it wrong...it has been corrected!

Before anything, let me say I'm truly blessed with this little family of mine and every time I start to complain I think about that friend whose desperately trying to have a baby or that family that is falling apart and I get a real quick reality check from the Lord!

I've learned my husband is absolutely amazing...well I knew it already, but sometimes I forget, and don't give him the credit he deserves!

He has done everything in his power to take care of us and make sure that I have recovered properly...which is a huge task. He has taken off a lot of time from work to be here, changed more than his share of diapers and is up at every feeding. I haven't always been the sweetest to him during this time off and sometimes (believe it or not) I hold a grudge against him, when he's really done nothing wrong (shocker I know). Which leads me to the next thing I've learned...

Hormones SUCK! Like we didn't already know that, but having a baby reminds you what's really in control! You'd think after already having one child, I'd know better, I'd know I'm gonna be a nut, I'd know things weren't gonna be easy, I'd remember how much things hurt...but I think I blocked it all out...or the hormones did, we'll blame them! It's just scary how out of control or mean you can feel one minute and then be at peace with the world the next!

I've learned I can sweat horribly at night...again something that happened the last time, with Noah...but I blocked it out. I also can freeze all day long (thanks again hormones)...I can't wait to see our electric bill!

I've learned my dogs drive me crazy! Well at least when I'm stuck at home with them, I have one that won't stop crying (the big one...go figure) and one that won't stop itching (and no she doesn't have fleas).

Nursing still is no fun...not that I really expected it to be, but I guess I'm just not one of those women who LOVES it. I gotta admit it's going better than last time...but that's probably because I gave up and started pumping with Noah two weeks in. I've watched way too many videos and read way too many articles on latching on...frankly my child just doesn't act the way those babies do, they must drug them up before filming! My kid goes at it, arms flying and screaming...really the only time she cries. I'm tempted to put her swaddle on while nursing, just to keep those hands and arms on lock down! (A side note, I've learned the internet has a great way of making you feel inadequate, I need to stop googling).

I've learned Noah is excellent at putting a pacifier back in, putting clothes in the laundry basket, getting diapers, bringing me my drink....all as long as "he wants to". He also enjoys holding her...as long as she's not on his knees?!?!? He has his moments...I'm not sure if he's attention starved or about to be 3...but in moments like this, you can see where his heart is!

I will continue to learn this baby isn't on my schedule...you have my husband to thank for this one...and yes, I drooled on her head, that totally puts me in the running for Mom of the year!

I've learned I love my job...it's hard being home by myself...yes I have Ellie, but I need interaction! I'm having a hard time picturing the next 5 weeks home! Maybe if we were made of money and I could go shopping all the time, I could handle it! I give big props to those moms who can do this 24/7 - you are amazing women!

I've learned family is amazing! We've had all kinds of visitors who drive hours just to come see us for a day! They bring food and presents and love! I've learned a church family is pretty great too! We've been spoiled with food and gifts from them as well!

All of this brings me back to one thing...I've learned how much God has blessed me! Yes things hurt, and yes I'm tired, and yes Noah is having a hard time being nice, and yes I'm tired of being cooped up - but look at what I have. I have a house to be cooped up in, I have a bed to sleep in when I get the chance, I have medicine to take when I hurt, I have another child to be ornery, I have a husband to help bear the burden and I have a God that listens to me moan and groan, but still loves me, reminds me to be thankful for what I have and then gives me another blessing.

Sometimes it easier to get caught up in the bad, then look for the good! Here's some more of my "good" from the past three weeks!

Richard and his mom anxiously awaiting grandchild #10!

Bringing our Ellie Marie home

Just being silly

She's beautiful Daddy

There's a new chick in my house!

Miss Ellie Marie arrived January 26th at 8:12 am. She was 7lbs 7oz and 20.5 inches. She's beautiful and calm and has completly stolen my husband's heart! She came just before a lovely snowstorm decended upon VA, so we were all snuggly and warm in the hospital!

First Blaine Family photo - minus one! He was anxiously waiting at Nana and Grandaddy's house. I couldn't wait for him to get there and see his face when he saw his Ellie Marie that he'd been talking about for months!
And there's that grin! Nana and Noah's first look! He knew right away it was her and told us how beautiful she was!



All for now...my friend has awoken and one handed typing isn't my thing!

Wow does life move fast! It's January and I'm just now realizing I haven't posted in a long time, not that I'm making excuses, but I am prego, have a two and a half year old and just survived a retail holiday season with a store manager husband! But ya know what, I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm snuggling with my favorite jabber jaws and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my baby girl! Our sweet girl will be here in 8 days...ahhh! She has been shopped for beyond her needs, and I gotta admit I'm a tad excited to see all the pink in her closet!

Noah seems to completely understand what's going on. He knows exactly where Ellie is, he hugs her, kisses her, shows her how to brush his teeth. I'm not sure what he's going to do in a week when she shows up, but for now he loves her!
As of yesterday, Ellie Marie was weighing in at 7lbs 3oz, which for a momma with gestational diabetes whose been dieting for 9 months, is music to my ears. I can only thank God for giving me all the strength I needed and the amazing doctors I have for taking such good care of me!

Well my phone's not ringing which means I have to go to work now, I was kinda hoping for another phone call to tell us not to come in, oh well, in a week I'll have tons of time off! Hopefully I'll post again before Ellie turns 2!