For the most part this week I really didn't think much about what was going to happen today. But when I woke up (not at 5a when Ellie woke me up, but at 7) all I could think about was how much time I had left in the day. I had 12 hours, it didn't feel like enough. Even though we've spent the entire week by each others side and going into the hospital wasn't going to change any of that it just felt different. I've gotten used to how our day runs and what I was going to expect out of each one. But not now, not (dare I say it) tomorrow.
We tried to Facetime Carly and Noah, and that didn't work. That seems to be the one thing that gets me while I'm here. I have a laptop, and IPad, and a Windows phone yet anytime I seem to want to accomplish something of value they all fail. And I know how much these calls carry Carly through the day (and for me as well). I get mad and annoyed when I can't make it happen and I allow it to get more of me than I should. It's 10a, 9 hours to go.
We ordered out for the first time since we've been here. Weekday food at the hospital is decent, but its down to bare minimum on the weekends. And today wasn't the day where I was feeling those cheeseburgers. Although after eating what I ordered it wouldn't of made much difference. Late lunch at 2:30, 4 and half hours left.
(I'll have you know the computer shut off on me right about this point... "In the name of Jesus, In the name of Jesus, In the name of Jesus..." (you Zion folk will get that part...the rest can keep on reading)
I figured I should pack, although it was odd (and hard) to pack from a "hotel" room to go stay in a hospital room. I gave Ellie just about anything possible to keep her entertained: 2 packs of Crayons, 2 coloring books, a box of Minnie Mouse toys, two talking stuffed animals, a pen, paper, shoes, and boots. Lets just say the only thing I heard for the next 2 hours was "I gotta go potty". And go figure, we've got her potty trained again and here we are back in the hospital. She's going to be so confused. So I packed and played intermittently at times thinking I only have so much time left to pack and at other times I only have 2 hours left to play with her. And now that we are in the hospital I know that's a misconception. There are two huge playrooms and a library right down the hall and we've been given free reign over any of it!
It was getting late so we tried to facetime mom and Noah before being admitted. Any guesses on whether worked....? Nope, sure didn't. Getting irritated I got on the phone with our Apple tech friends who pretty much couldn't help me at all. By that it's shortly before 7 and we need to eat dinner. Ellie: check, Wagon: check, backpack: check, suitcase: check. Made our way to grab a bite to eat and didn't make it to the cafeteria in time. I had to resort to feeding my princess a cereal bar for dinner. I felt awful and embarrased about it, but had no choice it was time to check in. We plopped on the couch with cereal bars in hand and thats when I felt it. O.K. I felt O.K. I couldn't think of a worry, couldn't tear up about her treatment if tried, the Lord told me it was o.k. and I knew lots of people had prayed for that.
So we made it to our room. In the midst of things that had to be done to get Ellie ready I saw her cry tonight. Either out fear and/or pain, I'm not really sure which one. I'm not sure how I held it together. Maybe it was not wanting to break in front of a bunch of nurses.. maybe. Even in the mix of emotion I could still see her looking at me. Even though she was scared or hurting I could see in eyes that she was trusting me. As if she said "It's going to be o.k. dad?" She was quickly consoled by the nurses and soon enough she was being handed new coloring books, stickers, crayons, a barbie doll, and some other girly toys. This place loves to hand out toys, we may need another suitcase to get back home..
Here we are now, she's started her treatment and there's only one thing we can ask..
"For the Lord you God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory"
Look Carly, I got the pictures to work! Woohoo!