The Blaines

The Blaines
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Buggin' For a Cure

Buggin' For a Cure
Learn more about Noah's fundraising goals for 2017

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Reality Check

We have decided that St. Jude's is the place for Ellie.  We made the phone call and Ellie and Richard fly out Saturday morning.  (this isn't gonna be an easy one to type)  The plan I had started to create in my head on Sunday is pretty much what is going to happen...for now at least.  Ellie will have to stay at St. Jude's for 4 months during her chemo and radiation treatments.  I'm not exactly in "flight shape" being 36 weeks prego so Richard is going now.  We are splitting our family...what I didn't want to do 3 days ago...I know it's the right thing...but the hardest.  We talked to Noah to try our best to explain what will be happening.  Teaching Noah that Ellie has a "tumor" in her brain was a very weird feeling.  We explained that she has to go to a special hospital for kids (of course he then argued she's not a kid) and be given lots of special medicine to try and make the tumor go away.  He began to cry, not out of crankiness but out of sadness and fear and said he wished his sister wasn't sick and it was scary. Another very hard moment to live through, but we did it, together.
Since we said yes..(not to the dress...that would probably have been much easier) things have happened very fast.  Flights have been scheduled, baggage vouchers have been FedEx'd, things are starting to be packed.  How the heck do you pack your two year old and husband up?  Mom's always know what to pack...I'm at a loss.  So in an attempt to feel a little human, Noah and I took off for our favorite store to get some stuff for our travelers.  Maybe I felt like if we bought some fun stuff it would feel more like they were going on a fun trip, instead of a very long medical trip.  Target usually brings much joy to my day, I usually end up with withdrawals when I haven't been there in a week.  After our routine potty trip right as we walk through the doors, we set off...list in hand.  All the groceries I thought to buy, all I could think was "there's only going to be two of us at home...we don't need that."  And it's not like they won't be here for a few days...Ellie won't be back for months.  Made it through the food with no tears.  Then we turned the corner and there was all the Easter stuff.  I won't see Ellie at Easter, Richard won't see new baby Sarah-Grace's (we picked a name by the way!) first Easter...tears coming!  Next came the suitcases...the urge to buy her a big old Dora suitcase was strong...then I was sad she even needed to own a suitcase (I didn't get the suitcase.)  As we browsed the stationary isle to find some paper and envelopes for Richard to take, I came across these super cute Pirate birthday party invites in clearance.  Noah wants a Pirate birthday party...then I realized I wouldn't be around for his birthday in June...more tears.  The reality of what our family was about to go through was sinking in more and more with each aisle. It was all I could do to get through check out without falling apart.  



Since we've made this choice, I have tried very hard not to think about the things I am going to miss or the things Richard is going to miss.  Every email I get about something else St. Jude's is doing for our family, I am so thankful for them, but sad that I won't be there with them to experience it.  My heart aches thinking Richard won't be here for the new baby, but so thankful for family close by to step in.  I melt thinking about what hair bows to pack for my girl...oh her hair, next time I see her will she have any...good thing her Mommy makes really cute hats!  See this is why I try not to think about it, because it hurts so bad.  This house is going to be so empty without my sticker crazy, dancing and singing fool (no not Richard)


Even though Ellie and Noah are constantly picking at each other, I try to remember this isn't going to happen again for a long time.  I am trying to suck up every minute of her I can because I know just how much I'm going to miss her while she's away.  Not being able to hold her when she's sick or having a bad day, not being there to learn all the stuff they Richard is going to be introduced to, when she starts to lose her hair - not being there to add a hair bow to make her feel beautiful - this is probably one of the hardest things ever. I know we will learn our strengths and probably have to work through a lot of weaknesses. 

"But he said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 
2 Corinthians 12:9

In spite of all this, I am encouraged every day by those around me.  All the messages I get, texts, emails, just letting me know that we are helping others.  We are helping people see Christ through us...that's such a blessing to me.  The words don't always come out of my mouth right, but when I write I feel like I can share. I can share our story, our love, our God who is continually watching over us.  He isn't giving us the easiest path, but I know he's going to be with me every step of the way.  Every time Ellie has seen me cry, she comes to tell me "I wuv you Mommy"....something she has never said before she got sick.  He is always finding ways to assure me that I am going to get through this, with a lot of tears but a whole lot of joy.

Ok so Target wasn't a total bust...
  It's a princess piggy bank :) oh and that's her piggy nose!

Thank you again for all the cards, presents, emails, phone calls, texts, and financial gifts.  We are continually grateful and wish we could reach out and thank everyone of you.  Please know that you are helping us everyday!

Prayer, Praise and Pink
~Carly

P.S. To all my VA friends...enjoy your snow day!!!  I know we will!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Carly,
I have been following your family's story thanks to your sister. I just want to say that you are all in my prayers, especially those beautiful children you and your husband created. I admire your strong devotion and the peace you write about finding in His word. I want to, with your blessing, have Ellie added to my church's prayer list (St Mary of the Immaculate Conception.) Even with the hardship you face your writing proves what strength and endurance faith gifts to us. ~Brandy (Sharp) Tobin

Anonymous said...

I am a part of the L-Team at George Mason University and Lisa has kept us updated on Ellie and I just want to say that there are so many people that have never met this little princess that are hoping and praying for her. I know that the road ahead is long and bumpy, but your strength as a family and Ellie's strength will make it through to bluer skies. You, your family, and especially Ellie.

The students at George Mason University have your back. Your family is never alone.

The Busy Blaine's said...

I love you all Carly and pray for each of you continually.

Anonymous said...

Carly, we have been following your blog through your mom. We are a military family and have been through lots of deployments and have missed lots of birthdays, holidays and family members. You are not alone, there are so many of us that go through the same feelings. Be thankful you have family and friends that will surround you and that are close by. But it is the Lord that will get you through these moments. Think of it as a deployment, it will go fast once you are in a rountine. Take one day at a time and breathe. :) The Lord will lead you through it, you are not alone! You no doubt made the right decision in the long run for your family. You will get through this and come out stronger physically, mentally, and in your faith. Hugs and prayers to you all!

threedog22 said...

Michelle and I are continuously praying for all of you. I often donate to St. Jude's, and Michelle recently became a Partner In Hope. I often thought our donations were doing good things, and now I'm certain of it. I know your family is one of strong and unwavering faith. May God guide you on this detour through life's path. We love you!

Anonymous said...

Carly -
I've been thinking of you and your family since I stopped into Old Navy in Central Park and asked about the Prayers for Ellie necklaces.

I don't know that my card ever got to you, I gave it to the staff in the store. But I've been where you are. My now 8 year old was diagnosed with a brain tumor at age 21 months. Our second daughter Grace was only 3 weeks old the day of that first MRI. That day we headed to VCU and basically came home a month later. We never left the hospital. Then came the months of treatment where I was in Richmond and my husband in Fredericksburg with Grace. I missed SO MUCH of that first year... words, smiles, snuggle time, Thanksgiving... it was so hard. But you do what you have to do to save your child. So I get it... I wish I could say something to make it better, but I can't. You will get through this. Ellie will get through this. And baby Sarah Grace and Noah will get so much love and support... I know it's not the same. I know it's not the image you had in your head for this time... but it will be okay.

Courtney H is a mutual friend. If you need someone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen...

Love and Hope
Victoria

Tonya Fincham-Pediatrics said...

Carly and Ellie-
I absolutely love reading your blog and feeling every moment of laughter, heartache and see that beautiful smile on our little Ellie's face. You are such a strong family with a inspiring faith that really shows. This new step with Ellie going to St Judes is another obstacle that you will get through eventhough it feels like you wont at times!! If ever you need anything from reassurance to just a ear I am here..and I know soon we will see you for the newest addition:) Send Ellie our love and prayers before she leaves and let her know that we cant wait to see her when she returns!! Safe travels for her and dad.

We love you guys!!

Bellablue said...

I am at St Jude right now - my son did the protocol Ellie will be doing any questions call me 248-242-2583

Momma of NickyBear.com
Ang

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