Oh my sweet boy....I should really be finishing Sarah-Grace's hat to match Ellie's...but my heart is overwhelmed at the moment. Before Richard left be bought Noah a "Holding Cross", a beautiful wooden cross. Richard told Noah that when he missed Daddy and Ellie he could get his cross, hold it tight and say a prayer. Noah has used it quite a few times. At first, he would make me come to his room with him to say a prayer (he keeps it under his pillow) and his prayer would be "Dear God please help Ellie feel better". As the days have passed and he begins to miss them more and more, his need for his cross has grown, he doesn't always ask me to come pray with him and his prayers have grown. It was a great idea Richard had...he is Super Daddy after all!
After I got him in bed tonight, he came back out crying...I assumed it was his typical "I'm sweating" routine, which is usually just a ploy to get to stay up 2 more minutes. As I looked into real tear filled eyes he said "I just miss Ellie and I don't want her to be sick anymore". He curled up in my lap and I wished and wished I could make this sadness go away, all I could say is I miss them too and I wish she wasn't sick too.
He then asked questions about us getting sick, and I found myself in another out of body experience explaining to him that cancer isn't something we can catch. Which led to him wanting to know how you get it, and all I could come up with is that God chose Ellie to have this illness. To which he asked "why"? (be strong Carly...because I'm gonna lose it).
Why does Ellie have this cancer? There is no simple answer...well there is but I'm not sure everyone sees it like we do. Ellie has this cancer because God gave it to her. As I explained to Noah, God knows how strong Ellie is, he knows she has an amazing big brother who loves her and prayers for her every day, God knows Ellie has strong parents who are going to continually trust in His plan. God knows that Ellie is surrounded by a strong church family that will support her family. And He knows what an impact Ellie's story is going to have on her community. He chose Ellie to show His power and love to all! Noah seemed okay with that answer and back to bed he went. Thank you Lord for giving me the words.
I have never really asked why us, there's just no sense in it. As I talked to a newspaper writer today I shared with her, we get the privilege of bringing people together for a good cause, people are strengthening their faith because of us...who am I to second guess why us. It's not easy, and as Sarah-Grace's arrival draws even closer, I realize more and more how hard its going to be. I can handle the lack of sleep, the diapers, the feedings (if you read far enough back in my blog you'll realize how much I "enjoy" nursing), it's not having my husband here that is the hardest, not having that emotional support that only a husband can give. He is that amazing husband who would get up with every feeding, change the baby's diaper, turn the heating pad on for me because I had the worst chills with Ellie, sleep on the nursery floor while I nursed, then take the baby back when I was done and lay her back down. His heart is so big for his children....again, He's Super Daddy!
I don't know if Richard will write tonight....but wanted to let you know that Ellie was released from the hospital this morning. Richard said one of the doctors even came in early to make sure that Ellie got to go "home" today!
She even got escorted home in style by Preacher before he left today! I don't have much other of an update...communication hasn't been great today!
Thank you for all the continued prayers!
Prayers, Praise and Pink