This song came on the radio today as Ellie and I dropped Noah off for his last day of preschool....I'll explain in a minute...
This song first came out when I was pregnant with Ellie, at the time I couldn't listen to the song, I would typically change the station, not that anything was wrong in my pregnancy, I just couldn't handle the thought. After a while I was able to handle the song and thought it was beautiful. It came on today and once again I fell apart. All those thoughts you don't want to think when you're told your child has cancer came racing into my head. I was reminded of what a sweet friend said..."Crying is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you know your limits. All of us have them. When a glass gets too full it overflows." I let the tears flow freely, reminded myself that everything I was feeling or thinking was probably normal for someone in my situation.
I want more than anything is for my children to know how much they are loved, not only by Richard and I and the family and friends around them, but how much God loves them. That Jesus died on the cross because we are so loved. That every day we have together is a blessing because we are loved. That even though we have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, we are continually loved.
Richard and I had a hard choice to make regarding Noah and something he loves and people that love him. If you remember I talked about preschool and the doors God opened for us last year…allowing me to bring Noah to school with me, which was great while I was at school. Since Ellie has been home from the hospital, I have stayed home with her, making that 40 minute car ride back and forth, twice a day. A few days in between Noah has stayed with friends or others have picked him up, but it’s a strain. Also the tuition we pay for him to go is going to become a strain, especially with the new medical bills rolling in. So we made the decision to remove him from his preschool class. Many tears were shed over this decision, and so many people offered to help me keep him there, but I know it’s the right choice for all of us at the moment. Hopefully Noah will be starting in a new, very close to home preschool with in the next week or two. The mommy guilt of taking him away from something he loves so much is tremendous, especially when it’s not his fault. But that’s one of the reasons I love this little boy so much. He rolls with it. He’s asked why a few times, but has never been mad at us for this decision…thanks God!
I will greatly miss visiting my friends at school everyday, but I know this is the best choice for our family at the moment. We’ve never been closer, Richard and I talk more than ever, we call and text each other more, just to say Hi and check in. We are spiritually closer and take the time every day to pray together. I’m thankful for all of this. I know there will be more difficult decisions to be made and I can only hope we pray them out and can make them with the same confidence.
Our version of LOVE!
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." 1 John 3:1
Prayers, Praise and Pink